mental health

A complicated relationship with New Years Eve.

It's hard for me to understand, because I am ridiculously, weepily, happy about how much life I'm living now. As I've explained before, depression has given me a heightened sense of gratitude for any good things that happen to me. New Years seems like a logical time to celebrate my good fortune, but the day is blemished by melancholy. I think I am scarred.

mental health, Opining

A (flexible) to do list for 2018.

I gave up new years resolutions. Instead, I like to list a few fun things I want to do in upcoming year. Call me crazy, but I like to be excited about the upcoming year rather than seeing it as a battleground in which I must address my (ever present) flaws. 

mental health

Things I do to help my mental health.

I've well and truly opened my tear duct flood gates and that's fine with me. Crying is so cathartic; I'm metaphorically shedding my misery with my tears. If I try to hold in my tears, it actually makes my head and face ache. For me it feels more healthy to let myself feel rather than try to fight it.

mental health, Travel

Moments of pure happiness.

I have moments of pure, undiluted joy where I smile, laugh, cry. A "thank fuck I didn't give up, I am so grateful for this life" moment. Most of these have happened while I've been exploring a new country. I would guess it is the combination of the beauty of our world and the gratitude that I can not only see and experience it, but I can do so without my vision being obstructed by depression.